Onion Unfolds Without Me

For years - while Los Angeles chuckled only at computer monitors - readers in my old hometown could walk the streets of LoDo guffawing at one of 45,000 printed copies of the satirical newspaper The Onion.

Now Franklin Avenue reports that Los Angeles finally gets 50,000 of its own dead-tree editions, including an A.V. Club section non-satirically focused on LA music, movies and art. Alas, they'll be doing it without your humble Newbie, whose resume and clips package didn't survive the flood:

Jun 15, 2006: Thanks for applying for the position of Los Angeles city editor with The Onion A.V. Club. As you can imagine, we received a flood of resumes over just a couple of weeks - more than we've ever received for a job of this nature before. The quality of applicants has made it difficult to narrow down, and I'm sorry to report that we won't be able to consider you for the position. Thanks again, and good luck.

Ah, well. I may not be the editor of A.V. Club, but I'll always have A.V. Newbie. Who says onions have to make you cry.